Periodical-Lee 2011

With the years passing so much more quickly, it’s doubly painful to see the days shortening on the eve of the solstice -- I’m acutely attuned to the shaving of daylight minutes each dawn and dusk during my walking commutes to and from the train station.  Even though my brain knows the growing daylight will return soon, my mind and soul ache for any sign of hope or spark.  So in addition to normal hustle-bustle of family and work, we seek that spark in preparing for the holidays.  That includes decorating, shopping and going to lots of concerts, but ironically that makes the days even shorter….

… and that makes it even more startling as we awaken to the fact that Amy just turned 18 and will be headed off to college – at Missouri State University (MSU, Springfield) – next fall.  We extrapolate the rhythms of her previous three years and savor her last time participating in her many extracurriculars (drama, color guard, student council…).  We’re delighted in the young woman she’s become, marveling at her poise and prudence in her college search and knocking out all the college credit classes taken in her senior year. Her approach will serve her well in college and beyond.  Honestly, I wish I had had her poise when I was 23, let alone 18.

With Noah turning 14 last week, we’re equally pleased and proud of the young man.  After giving up judo (started at age six), he joined the eighth grade football team and participated in his first real team sport, an intense time and energy commitment.  He continues to achieve in Boy Scouts, currently working on Life Scout status.  But my favorite thing about Noah is watching him lead and mentor, not only in his troop but also with Cub Scouts as Den Chief. I marvel at how confident and nurturing he is at this young age, but not as much as him going from alto to bass this year.  In about five months his voice has become deeper than mine will ever be in my nearly five decades of life.

Denise continues to cultivate her organizing consultancy at an impressive clip.  How she does that while juggling her Boy Scout leadership and volunteering for NAPO (the National Association of Professional Organizers), I’ll never know.  But she does all that with gusto and keeps us grounded at home. But most of all spoils the kitties (Cuddles and Patches) and of course Koa, the World’s Most Co-Dependent Dog. He probably should have been named Underfoot.

My year has been blurry with balancing family, work and my volunteer stuff.   I’ll hit my term limits on the local library board next May, but that free time is already being claimed by additional responsibilities at church.  I keep focusing on one-time improvement opportunities, but ironically there’s a never-ending supply of those.

Highlights of the year included family stuff, like a driving trip to Washington DC, where we got to tour the Capitol Building, visit Gettysburg and other sites.  Criticize Congress all you want (and I know I do), but to see where our country makes decisions without (physical) violence was quite impressive.  More importantly we had fun just hanging out with relatives at a mini-family reunion.

A much sadder family reunion was at the funeral of my dad’s brother, Uncle Harvey, in September.  He was my favorite uncle  and I was deeply saddened by his passing.  My brother and I were fortunate to spend an extended weekend with Harvey in April, before the cancer really took hold of him, and we really enjoyed just being with him, savoring the reminiscences and cracking each other up.

One of the biggest highlights was joining the United Way Chorus, which became like a family to me.  This chorus, created this year by my company’s CEO (Danny Ludeman) in his role as Chair of the 2011 St. Louis campaign (at his wife Susan’s suggestion), was an odd duck.  To bring together singers from local United Way agencies with the sole purpose of underscoring the spirit of giving back to the community was not only admirable, but also bold in not having an explicit musical vision.  (By the way, I was one of two ‘ringers’ from the company brought in to augment the lower voices -- but we got to choose which agencies to represent.)

That non-explicit musical vision was actually license to choose songs, based not on genre or style, but solely about giving, and these songs were expertly chosen by our directors (Terri Merideth and Gerald Cozart).   For the first time ever, I had to memorize songs and learn choreography. The impressive line-up of songs (e.g. Give a Little Love, Lean on Me, Thank You for Being a Friend, Let There Be a Voice, What the World Needs Now) had a We Are the World vibe… which was prescient because we added that very song late in our season for a special performance on the MUNY stage.  But as fun as pushing myself musically was, it paled in comparison to meeting other chorus members and hearing the stories of their work in their agencies.  It’s a special group of folk, and even though we don’t know if the chorus will return next year, I definitely plan to keep in touch with them.

The last highlight was just this past Sunday at our church’s Christmas Pageant.  All churches are proud of their Christmas plays, but I’m especially proud of ours, not just because our church is like family to us.  And it’s not just because of the costumes, the direction, the sound support (my contribution) or the dedication. It stems from the original script inspired by the young people (Sunday School through Youth Group) of the congregation.  We’ve literally seen all the kids grow up in these customized scripts, and this year’s is the last to be written by Deb Bohlmann, godmother to Noah and mother of one of Amy’s best friends, Miriam. 

As usual, the play leveraged each of the youth’s personalities, and this year it even cast Miriam and Amy as sisters, much like Martha and Mary (the active and contemplative sisters in the Gospels).  Noah played Miriam’s son, meaning he had to refer to his real sister as “Aunt Amy” which at first caused no shortage of confusion.  With sisters Miriam and Amy tending the inn at the birth of Jesus, we had a unique angle on the Christmas story...

But the stroke of genius was the final scene, many years later.  Noah’s character was fully-grown, and with his mother Miriam and Aunt Amy, they not only reflected on Jesus’ birth, but on his very recent death, the empty tomb, and how Jesus touched their lives.  This Christmas play was special because it was also an Easter play!

And this Christmas/Easter story, not the decorating or shopping or excellent holiday concerts, is what keeps hope sparkling for our family at this special time of the year.

Wishing you Peace, Joy and Hope in 2012!

Sherman, Denise, Amy and Noah

For copies of previous family letters, go to http://marsifan.blogspot.com/, where I hope to build an online index of personal writing. 

You can find more frequent and sillier updates at http://facebook.com/sherman42

Remembering Uncle Harvey...

... on 3 Sept, we bade farewell to Uncle Harvey after a long life of love and laughter.  Here are the words I shared at the funeral...


Scripture Readings:

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

I’m Sherman, son of Harvey’s eldest brother Alfred Jr. My own children didn’t know Uncle Harvey well, but they know that he’s my favorite uncle. Even though they didn’t spend much time with him because we live so far away, they have a pretty good idea of what ‘favorite uncle’ might mean to me. They know because of their favorite uncle, my brother Michael. My children -- Amy now 17 and Noah now 13 -- love spending time with him and his family. Everyone gets along great and looks forward to seeing each other, which we try to do at least twice a year. For them the term ‘favorite uncle’ carries a lot of weight...

One of the best days, actually two best days of my life, took place here in southern Cal. Michael and I had spent the summer in Hawaii with grandparents Alfred Sr and Kikue, and on the way back we stopped in Los Angeles. On my 12th birthday we spent all day in Disneyland. We were there all-l-l-l day. It was heavenly and although the day was full, it seemed over in the blink of an eye. Then the next day... we went to Knott’s Berry Farm. In today’s entertainment-saturated culture, that may not sound like a lot, but to Michael and me back in ’74, that was a huge deal.

At Knott’s, the best part was the floom ride... it was so much fun going up and around, eventually leading up the big fall and splash. And because California schools had already started the park was pretty empty. We asked Uncle Harvey if we could go back on the floom ride -- and we weren’t sure if he would say yes because usually lines were long and there’s never enough time at the park. With the short lines he said yes. We got off the ride for the second time... then we asked if we could do it again. It kept going -- two boys not believing their luck of the best ride and going again and again. I can’t even remember how many times we went but I don’t remember Uncle Harvey saying no, indulging his nephews. That’s a day (or two) I’ll never forget.

Michael and I were lucky... blessed actually, that Uncle Harvey lived with our family when we growing up in NY. I don’t remember many of the details of being with him, but just that it was fun to be with him. I remember him talking to us, talking with us, as a grownup whose word carried the weight of experience and caring, but without any of the baggage of him being our parent. We could ask him questions that we couldn’t ask Mom or Dad, and feel safe in the conversation. Those are the feelings I remember of him in NY, even if I can’t remember the details. 

Those were the days when he was just getting started in the world, trying to discover what he wanted to do, and then looking for a job and working up the ranks. I didn’t understand the full background of his NY time until this past April, when Michael and I came to visit soon after we learned about his diagnosis. Michael flew out from NY and me from St. Louis for an extended weekend. We hung out with Uncle Harvey, ate good food, talked story about our own families. We reminisced about the times we spent together in NY, Hawaii and California. And in those stories we learned more about the NY part of his life and how he entered the dietician field. NY was a good place to look for a job right after college, and having a place to stay made it an attractive city to start his career.

In NY, Harvey received his first-ever paycheck and that story is legendary in the family. With that paycheck he bought some fruits and vegetables. There were others staying with the family at the time and Uncle Harvey was crushed when he found some of his hard-earned food missing. The next morning there were individual name tags on each fruit.

Eventually he moved to California and most people know the story after that. But Harvey never said why he left NY.

My mom shared a story with me just yesterday that fills in the blanks.

 “Unable to bear elder abuse and starvation in nursing homes, he reported to authorities. At the same time, he decided to move out of state both for better opportunities and to avoid complications for himself. That was when he moved to Southern California. Some time later, he expressed gratification when he heard about news articles streaming in on the investigation of these facilities and the effort to better senior care.”

For anyone who knew Harvey well, that kind of conspicuous criticism sounds out of character for him. But obviously the situation was so appalling he showed great courage in stepping out of character, to do what was right. Could any of us do the same? Would any of us do the same?

I think I would, and a lot of that is because Harvey was in my life. And that’s even before hearing my mom’s story. He impressed upon me a strong sense of right and wrong, and even if not speaking as overtly as the nursing home case, witnessing his decision-making set good examples for me. And the basis for that decision-making is right there in one of his favorite Scripture passages, today’s reading from Proverbs: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

The rest of the April visit included some Hawaiian music and some Hawaiian comedy sketches on my phone and I played some for him. He really loved hearing the pidgin English in the sketches, and he laughed heartily... probably more so than he had in weeks. Even in subsequent phone calls he would tell me about playing that “Room Service” sketch for his visitors. He had so much joy in voice.. it’s good to always have that memory of him laughing.

Those days in April were also among the best days of my life.

I’ll never forget those days and all the things I learned from Uncle Harvey. How to do certain things, how to cook certain dishes, how to laugh. But most of all, how to be a good man in the world, how to care for others, how to love God and remember how God loves us. He taught us how to be good people, and good uncles. And the love that my favorite uncle showed us, is so clearly present in his own children, my cousins Jeff and Wendy.

I love you Uncle Harvey, will miss you dearly, and will see you again someday.