Scripture Readings:
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
I’m Sherman, son of Harvey’s eldest brother Alfred Jr. My own children didn’t know Uncle Harvey well, but they know that he’s my favorite uncle. Even though they didn’t spend much time with him because we live so far away, they have a pretty good idea of what ‘favorite uncle’ might mean to me. They know because of their favorite uncle, my brother Michael. My children -- Amy now 17 and Noah now 13 -- love spending time with him and his family. Everyone gets along great and looks forward to seeing each other, which we try to do at least twice a year. For them the term ‘favorite uncle’ carries a lot of weight...
One of the best days, actually two best days of my life, took place here in southern Cal. Michael and I had spent the summer in Hawaii with grandparents Alfred Sr and Kikue, and on the way back we stopped in Los Angeles. On my 12th birthday we spent all day in Disneyland. We were there all-l-l-l day. It was heavenly and although the day was full, it seemed over in the blink of an eye. Then the next day... we went to Knott’s Berry Farm. In today’s entertainment-saturated culture, that may not sound like a lot, but to Michael and me back in ’74, that was a huge deal.
At Knott’s, the best part was the floom ride... it was so much fun going up and around, eventually leading up the big fall and splash. And because California schools had already started the park was pretty empty. We asked Uncle Harvey if we could go back on the floom ride -- and we weren’t sure if he would say yes because usually lines were long and there’s never enough time at the park. With the short lines he said yes. We got off the ride for the second time... then we asked if we could do it again. It kept going -- two boys not believing their luck of the best ride and going again and again. I can’t even remember how many times we went but I don’t remember Uncle Harvey saying no, indulging his nephews. That’s a day (or two) I’ll never forget.
Michael and I were lucky... blessed actually, that Uncle Harvey lived with our family when we growing up in NY. I don’t remember many of the details of being with him, but just that it was fun to be with him. I remember him talking to us, talking with us, as a grownup whose word carried the weight of experience and caring, but without any of the baggage of him being our parent. We could ask him questions that we couldn’t ask Mom or Dad, and feel safe in the conversation. Those are the feelings I remember of him in NY, even if I can’t remember the details.
Those were the days when he was just getting started in the world, trying to discover what he wanted to do, and then looking for a job and working up the ranks. I didn’t understand the full background of his NY time until this past April, when Michael and I came to visit soon after we learned about his diagnosis. Michael flew out from NY and me from St. Louis for an extended weekend. We hung out with Uncle Harvey, ate good food, talked story about our own families. We reminisced about the times we spent together in NY, Hawaii and California. And in those stories we learned more about the NY part of his life and how he entered the dietician field. NY was a good place to look for a job right after college, and having a place to stay made it an attractive city to start his career.
In NY, Harvey received his first-ever paycheck and that story is legendary in the family. With that paycheck he bought some fruits and vegetables. There were others staying with the family at the time and Uncle Harvey was crushed when he found some of his hard-earned food missing. The next morning there were individual name tags on each fruit.
Eventually he moved to California and most people know the story after that. But Harvey never said why he left NY.
My mom shared a story with me just yesterday that fills in the blanks.
“Unable to bear elder abuse and starvation in nursing homes, he reported to authorities. At the same time, he decided to move out of state both for better opportunities and to avoid complications for himself. That was when he moved to Southern California. Some time later, he expressed gratification when he heard about news articles streaming in on the investigation of these facilities and the effort to better senior care.”
For anyone who knew Harvey well, that kind of conspicuous criticism sounds out of character for him. But obviously the situation was so appalling he showed great courage in stepping out of character, to do what was right. Could any of us do the same? Would any of us do the same?
I think I would, and a lot of that is because Harvey was in my life. And that’s even before hearing my mom’s story. He impressed upon me a strong sense of right and wrong, and even if not speaking as overtly as the nursing home case, witnessing his decision-making set good examples for me. And the basis for that decision-making is right there in one of his favorite Scripture passages, today’s reading from Proverbs: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
The rest of the April visit included some Hawaiian music and some Hawaiian comedy sketches on my phone and I played some for him. He really loved hearing the pidgin English in the sketches, and he laughed heartily... probably more so than he had in weeks. Even in subsequent phone calls he would tell me about playing that “Room Service” sketch for his visitors. He had so much joy in voice.. it’s good to always have that memory of him laughing.
Those days in April were also among the best days of my life.
I’ll never forget those days and all the things I learned from Uncle Harvey. How to do certain things, how to cook certain dishes, how to laugh. But most of all, how to be a good man in the world, how to care for others, how to love God and remember how God loves us. He taught us how to be good people, and good uncles. And the love that my favorite uncle showed us, is so clearly present in his own children, my cousins Jeff and Wendy.
I love you Uncle Harvey, will miss you dearly, and will see you again someday.
